


The Immortal Spider

by BlackMajjicDuchess



Category: Naruto
Genre: Fear, Gen, Immortality, Monsters, Murder, Spiders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 11:32:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackMajjicDuchess/pseuds/BlackMajjicDuchess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura and her mom attempt to kill... a huge fucking spider, and the thing simply will NOT die. Oneshot. Swearing and scary images. Dedicated to spider haters everywhere.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Immortal Spider

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on fanfiction.net under the same pen name.
> 
> Based on a True Story.

I'm sitting on the couch, minding my own business when my mom says "Sakura. Come here," in THAT TONE. I thought I was in trouble. Instantly I'm revisiting every thing I've done today and wondering what I might have done to upset my mother. I go "Mom, what did I do?"

"You didn't do anything. Look. At this."

I peek over the edge of the bath tub where my mother is staring and see this BIG fucking spider. I think, oh my goodness. This must not be allowed to survive in our house. If it bites us, we're in big trouble!

We've encountered Wolf Spiders here before. Two instances come to mind. The first is the spider I killed in th garage. Immediately upon impact, thousands of spider babies exploded upon the floor and ran in all directions. It was like a bad imitation of the Hydra monster, except infinitely scarier.I had then sprayed a can of spray paint on the scene and set the little bastards ablaze. The second instance was the first rendition of the Immortal Spider. We sprayed it with hairspray. We attempted to drown it. We squashed it with a paper towel, and still it emerged from the trash like a hairy 8-legged zombie out for brains. Finally, we flushed it, and even then I was not convinced that it wouldn't climb out of the toilet pipes and bite one of us right on the ass.

This one was no exception. First, we sprayed it with a heavy duty bleach solution. The spider curled in upon itself and my mother howled victoriously that we had killed it. We watched. After a moment it uncurled and scurried a few inches toward the edge of the tub, a move that caused us both to recoil with horror. IT WAS COMING RIGHT FOR US! Quickly, I obtained other cleaning supplies. We then sprayed it with CLR and Lime Away. I commented that I wasn't sure if that was safe and we worried about our health. My mom said "Watch, we're going to die from the fumes and it still won't be dead." Wouldn't that be cute? We doused the thing with all the danger we could, and then we turned the fan on and walked away to avoid the fumes. I kept my eyes on the tub from a safe distance, positive that it was going to clamber up outta thurr and come back for its revenge. In fact, I was standing in front of the fan, which tickled my toes with the edge of my pajama pants and caused me to freak the fuck out, thinking it had somehow ambushed me.

My mom decided to check on it close up first. When she did, it was scurrying across the bottom of the bathtub and she came out dancing the heebie jeebies and shrieking with disgust, telling me to go look. I did, and it was just sitting there.

Finally, my mom had reached her limit. She grabbed the toilet brush and smacked it once. Twice. Three times. "THERE!" she yelled with triumph. She emerged from the bathroom, wielding the toilet brush, and tossed it right in the trash. "Now we're going to need a new toilet brush," she announced matter-of-factly, penning it onto our shopping list for tomorrow.

I laughed. "Totally worth the sacrifice, though."


End file.
